discovering happiness.

Sadness has always been something that has lingered with me since my freshman year of high school; I had come to the conclusion that I would never find love or happiness in any form. However, coming up on my junior year in high school, I was lucky enough to stumble upon some lifelong friends.

There is such a sweet moment in my life that I feel is necessary to share:

One night we were driving down the road, listening to our favorite song. I looked around at all of them, laughing until they were crying, hair in the wind, wide smiles on their faces, and I thought to myself: this. this is happiness.

I came to the conclusion that they were happiness, they were family. They made me feel loved, and they made me forget about my troubles for a while. I realized that love and happiness do not come from what people can see on the outside. It is  not something that can simply be captured in a picture.

It is a phone call when you are crying hysterically by yourself on the side of the road. It’s a hug. It’s laughter. It’s a smile. It is your friends showing up at your house unexpectedly to keep you company for no reason at all. Love is not an obligation. It is your friends staying with you even when you want to be left alone to cry. It’s the sincere, “I’m proud of you” after a big accomplishment. It is priorities and an unexpected change in plans. It is just being there for moral support.

I never thought I would find love and happiness. But I found it in the eyes of great friends. And I would not want it any other way.

being your best self.

I have always heard the challenge to be your best self in everything you do whether it is physical fitness or mental stability. This challenge to be my best self has made me push harder to be my best, true self. It has opened my eyes to show me that I am indeed amazing and am capable of so much more than I think I am. It has made me reevaluate situations and pour my all into everything I do. It is a challenge that every being should take on.

Trying your best at everything you do and being your best self most certainly will not come easy, however, from what I have seen, it is so worth it. It is another form of loving and accepting yourself. It shows you what you are capable of, and it shows those around you who you truly are. I suppose being your best self could be known more familiarly as going the extra mile and stepping a little out of your normal comfort zone.

So with all of this being said, it is important to love yourself and unleash your full potential in what ever it is you do on a day to day basis. Whether it means you getting out there and following all of the crazy dreams inside of your head or you simply smiling more. Be yourself. Be your BEST self. And chase after all of your dreams because I believe in you, and you should believe in yourself too.

let’s agree to disagree

Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. A recent personal experience made me realize something very essential to life: just because you do not agree with someone else’s opinion does not mean that you should degrade them as a person. It is a very simple, yet hard concept to grasp and even harder to actually put into action. We all have different opinions, and that is perfectly fine. We should all stop disputing and agree to disagree. I never really understood the whole meaning of agreeing to disagree until now. When you disagree about an issue with someone no matter how serious, you feel tempted to look at them differently, but it should not be that way. You should still respect them and their opinion no matter what because at the end of the day, they are a person just like you are. Friendships are constantly being ruined by people disputing and disagreeing over issues going on around them. People tend to, more often than not, formulate a negative or positive feeling toward a person just because they either agree or disagree with that person’s personal opinions. In order to make the world a better place, let’s try to be more respectable of other’s opinions. We all have different minds with different experiences, backgrounds, and thoughts. Respect and be respected.

Another Chapter

Another year of school has come and gone and I am way too much in touch with my emotional side. It is all so bittersweet. All of my life I have been waiting for this time in my life, here it is, and it’s not as fulfilling as I thought it would be right here in this very moment. But, looking back, it was everything I wanted and more. I would not trade the memories I made for anything in the world. All of the laughs and the smiles, I will hold close to me forever. This year I have gained so much. I have been blessed enough to gain knowledge, amazing friendships, and memories that I will never forget. This past year was the single best year of my life. Being loved unconditionally by amazing friends truly makes a difference in happiness and real, pure, genuine joy. Once you are in a moment, you will never get that moment back which makes me entirely too sad and nostalgic, but this insight has also taught me to live in the moment. Take it as it comes and just enjoy it while you can, because once you get it, there is no getting it back.

“It is finished.”

I am drained. I try to tell myself that I’m okay and that I can do this, but I know I can’t. I go through periods of joy and periods of depression. The other day I wrote a bible verse on a chalk board behind my door. It says, “Jesus said, ‘It is finished.’ John 19:30”. It is a verse that shakes me and sometimes even gives me chills. It reminds me that it is finished. No matter what I have done, and no matter what I do: it is finished. My sins are forgiven because Jesus died bearing the sins of the world on his shoulders. He was the ultimate sacrifice, and He is risen. So I can be sure that even through my periods of joy and extreme sadness, I can count on that promise. The promise that it is finished. And it will be. Forever.

“When He had received the drink, Jesus said, ‘It is finished.’ With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.”

I’m still learning to love and forgive myself completely. But I know that through it all Jesus loves me, and that is the only sure thing I can count on.

Sunsets & Starry Nights

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “We Built This City.”

I come from a small town in Mississippi where there seems to be nothing to do except for blow all of your money on shopping and waste time riding around. One of the things I really love about this town is the sunsets. I live for them. It might sound silly, but sometimes I even find myself in tears if I miss one. You can never really understand how beautiful a Flowood, Mississippi sunset is unless you experience it for yourself. There’s this special spot I go to watch them just by the water. It’s a dream, really, and you wish that you could just pause life right were it is and watch the sun set forever. It’s absolutely breath-taking. Watching sunsets makes me realize how beautiful life really is, and it leaves me standing in awe of all of God’s creations. Another thing I love about this city: the same spot where I watch the sun set, I go at night to look at the stars. It’s so much more captivating and lasts so much longer than the sunset does. Looking at the stars makes you realize how small you actually are. It makes me realize that all of my problems mean absolutely nothing. nothing at all. Compared to this universe, my problems are nothing. I wish that you could accurately capture these things with a camera, but it’s not that simple. I guess that’s kind of what makes me enjoy it so much. The memory is all yours. You cannot really capture it with a camera. You have a take a picture with your mind and file it there with all of your other memories of sunsets and star-filled nights. There’s nothing I can really dislike about this city. I am always traveling, but I never dread coming home; coming home is so refreshing and brings a smile to my face every time. It is absolutely beautiful here. Many people claim to hate it here, but they never really leave. They are always drawn back. No matter where I end up in this world, I will always come back because I know that I will be welcomed back with open arms by the sun and the stars. They are why I find joy in life. They are my reason to live.

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Who I Am and Why I’m Here.

I have recently enrolled in the “blogging101” course, and today’s question is: why? Why am I here, and what am I about. Well, there are many ways to approach this topic. I guess that’s what I’m trying to discover here: myself. I decided to blog publicly aside from my personal journal because I wanted to share my thoughts with the world. I wanted a concrete place for some of my thoughts to last and float around in the minds of others. With that being said, I mostly just write about life and different aspects of it. I might even start a healthy living blog; who knows. Through this blog I am looking to connect with other messy souls like my own. I hope to inspire others as well as myself. I’ve learned that most of the time when I compose anything, the words just fly from the tips of my fingers or the ball of my pen and before I know it, I’ll look back at the mountain I thought was a load of crap just to realize that it is an absolute masterpiece. I’ve went back to previous writings multiple times and found myself in tears because of the emotions that were poured into it. So incase I haven’t fully answered the question about who I am and why I’m here, here’s your answer: I’m a troubled soul looking for an adventure, a push if you will to tell me what to do with my life. I have big dreams, unkempt hair, and a tendency to feel things very deeply. I’m here by fate to get things off of my chest. Welcome to my crazy life.

Decisions, Decisions

Don’t mind me. Just venting. Carry on.

I am not quite sure where I want to attend college – in state, out of state; I’m not even sure what I want to do, what I want to be, or what I want to major in. I enjoy writing, but I don’t plan on pursuing it as a career. I enjoy helping people and am interested in the medical field, however, I can’t stand the sight of blood, and I’m not a huge fan of stressful situations. I love children and I would love to be a teacher for the rest of my life, but teachers don’t get paid enough from what I’ve heard. I’m torn between doing things that make me happy and things that would bring in a good paycheck to help sustain me for the rest of my life. Most, if not all, teachers I’ve had have taken on between one and three other jobs besides their teaching career. I want to be able to have time on my hands and not work my life away. I hate the idea of maintaining one job for the rest of my life and being bound to it, especially if it’s not something I am passionate about. I just want to travel and maybe be a barista at a little coffee shop and read books and write and journal and dance and sing to my heart’s content. I guess the goal at the end of the day is to be happy. I want to be happy.

One Nation Under God.

More often than we are comfortable with, we hear about terrible crimes and events that are taking place in our country. There is so much happening in this world that is too crazy for us to comprehend. About a month or so ago I started thinking about how we use to say the Pledge while facing the flag every morning before school, and I started to recite the words to myself. “..unto the republic for which it stands. One nation under God. Indivisible. For liberty and justice for all.” As I recited this to myself, I began to realize that those statements aren’t so true anymore.

As a nation, we have lost sight of the fact that we are one nation. We are suppose to stand together and support each other. We are suppose to be one nation under God. Indivisible. FOR LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL. This nation is being led astray in so many different directions.

Ethnical issues and nationalistic views are making their way back to the surface again causing people to turn against each other. I’m seeing humans, but no humanity.

If we ever forget that we are One Nation Under God, then we will be a nation gone under.” -Ronald Reagan

Forgiving Yourself

Forgiving yourself is a tough task. At times our spiritual life and our flesh collide, pulling us in a hundred different directions, and as a result we feel somewhat spiritually stuck. There is always that lingering voice in the back of your head telling you that you aren’t good enough and that you have reached the point of no return. If God has completely forgiven you and died so that you could live freely in His Presence, why then would you not forgive yourself? You are His most precious creation, and you are loved beyond anything you could ever imagine. I think that not forgiving yourself is more like feeling as if you think that God has not completely forgiven you. As if your past and what you have done is too much to forgive. Well, here is the good news: when you were saved by God’s marvelous grace, you were marked with a seal guaranteeing your inheritance of the Kingdom of God. In other words, you can never be “unsaved”.

Ephesians 1:7 – In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace.

His grace has covered you and wiped your slate clean. Each day his mercies are new. We are humans, therefore, we have a tendency to screw up. However, as Christians, we always have God there to catch us in his abundant grace and mercy. Forgiving yourself is the best decision you could ever make.

One who forgives herself and others around her is an unstoppable, authentic being.